Added By
Harpytalons
50.00 USD
Harpytalons
It's you. Hi. You're the problem, It's you. It's been a long day and I'm here to tell you that you are painfully stupid. You are a thief of time and energy and you have no god damned clue you blissfully unaware yet somehow supremely entitled sh*tbird. You are rude, cra**, abrasive, and full to the brim with audacity, cringe, and unearned self esteem. You are where our faith in humanity goes to die. For every question you've asked that you could have googled yourself you will pay me. For every unsolicited opinion or moronic piece of "advice" you've foisted on an overworked underpaid person, you will pay me. For every time you've emotionally or verbally abused a person just trying to do their job and make a living because you were having a bad day, you will pay me not once, not twice, but thrice. Did you want something in return for your money? Try sucking less. It's 100% free and comes with a free 30 day trial. Rules: Pay up and shut up. Don't talk to me. Don't message me. Just don't. You're a garbage person and I hate you.
10.00 USD
Harpytalons
Another day went by and your d*ck didn't get any bigger. It's time to pay the Harpy. Your d*ck is so small, you pay double the normal tax to make up for it. It's so small you could pick locks with it. It looks like it just sailed in from Lilliput. It would be better put to use skewering olives in my martini. If it doesn't vibrate it has no business being pocket sized. How do you even manage to not p** on your shoes? It looks like one of those dinky pencils you get at a mini golf course, you pathetic wretch of a person. For every partner you have left or will leave unsatisfied, pay me. For every guffaw your bu*ton mushroom draws out of a potential lover, pay me. For every "is it in yet?" omg, you diminutive d*ck slinging dipwad, you better god-damned pay me. If you've ever heard or said any of these teeny-weeny-p**ny-apologist phrases: "It's not the size of the boat it's the motion in the ocean" "It's ok, if it was too big it would be intimidating" "It's not the tool it's how you use it" OR ANY VARIATION THERE OF You. Will. Pay. Me. Did you want something in return for your money? Oh well. You should have invested in a strap-on instead to make up for what you lack. Rules: Pay up and shut up. Don't talk to me. Don't message me. Just don't. Your name is Nubs now.
20.00 USD
Harpytalons
Be My Virtual Pet Let me show you I do care about you. I will get and name a Gigapet after you, care for it, and keep it alive for 2 weeks. Listing includes: Unboxing/Aliving Video Photo of the Name Screen Proof of life. Photos and/or a short video every day of said pet and age screen and life score for two weeks. A daily compliment about what a nice pet you are. Bonus occasional chat/videos/etc about you and your virtual counterpart You can choose the pet: Floppy Frog Pixel Puppy T-Rex Starcat/CompuKitty Unicorn Tamogatchi (it evolves, you don't get to choose) If you are in the USA, For an extra $50 I will mail the gigapet to you after the two weeks is up. You will need to reinsert the battery and press the bu*ton on the back, but it should arrive to you in the same save state as when I take the battery out. Rules: No S*xting No Nudity Just me pretending to care about you. Shhhhh. Good pet. Sit. Lie down. good pet.
150.00 USD
WhiteSchocoladeFeet3
Ocen mojego penisa Czy jest wystarczająco duży czy ma dobre ksztalty?😄👌🔥
5.00 USD
Prettylittlefelix
Want an honest review~? Show me your c*ck! -$5: 1-10 scale with a sentence or two of a written opinion. -$10: 1-10 scale with a paragraph of a written opinion. Video options - $10: short 2-3 minute review - $15: 4-5 minutes in depth review
15.00 USD
Sa**yTeacher
I want to rate your morning wood, your stiff rod you cannot get rid of at work, your need-to-touched- RIGHT NOW c*ck. 1-10 rating - $5 Paragraph about what I want to do to it -$10 Audio message at least a minute $15 Video of me in a lacy bra - feeling up my tits while talking about your c*ck - $25 Take your pick of sa**y and s**y, honest, or humiliating.
5.00 USD